Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Fantasy Football Edition

For most fantasy nerds the draft is the most sacred event known to man. A few friends and I decided to start our own league this year and this guy is the commissioner.

That may or may not have been a huge mistake.

A day before the draft the responsible thing to do would be to go over stats, look for sleepers, you know junk that helps you feel smarter than everyone else in these things. What did I do?

I spent the night watching Batman and Robin (George Clooney is the only Batman) and Air Bud (it doesn't say anywhere in the rule book that a dog can't play basketball...).

Remember kids, just because you have a world class choice of films at your disposal doesn't mean you have to use them. 

Then of course being the responsible adult that I am, I joined my friends at midnight for an extended night of stupidity.

11 AM comes and my phone rings. I answer the phone with my massive headache and am greeted my a yelling Greg The Dentist asking if I'm ready for the draft and how I should be pumped and ready to go.

After clearing my throat I explain that I am not ready, and plan on going back to sleep since I still have all day to prepare, because brilliantly I set the draft time for 5 EST, which obviously means the draft will be taking place at 7 PM Mountain Standard Time.....

Greg was nice enough to correct me without pointing out my stupidity and thus my day began.

With no time to spare I printed off Matthew Berry's draft list I assembled the staff for what was to be a quick lunch provided by our friends at Boston Pizza and recap from the missing scenes from the previous night.

Fast forward through the lovely meal and it's 2:00 and we need to get our asses in gear, especially since keep in mind I am the commissioner.


According to Oiler Spill staffer MG3 "drafting a fantasy sports team is the gayest thing you can do" MG3 then proceeded to go home where he packaged feathers fo sale to be placed in woman's hair for the rest of the day. 

Next stop Safeway because Producer Farrel wants a draft magazine, clearly he is going to win this pool looking for a magazine with under an hour before the draft begins. After 15 minutes of deciding between a fantasy magazine and the issue of GQ with Mark Sanchez on the cover (Farrel has a huge crush on Mark Sanchez) we were back at Draft Central and ready to go.

You wanna see the results? Yeah you do. Click THIS.

So on to the point of this post (these things have points now? I hope they're not sharp. Zing) I want a super active message board and tons of chirping, that's what makes H2H leagues great.

As Commissioner I should write a team re-cap post and make fun of everyone in it. Here's the problem, I don't know enough about football to make fun of the teams. I don't want to pull a Gordan Ramsay and just say everything is fucking shit.

Personal insults I can handle, I mean half the teams are guys in Calgary, and Farrel has a hard on for Mark Sanchez. What I need is good football chirps.

So if you haven't already, check out the league and teams (Click THIS), and then leave your best as comments or e-mail or tweet them to me. or

This has to happen soon so I don't look weak.

-Star Wars

1 comment: